Project Love
by Brittanaslayyys
Summary: Santana can't get a break, her dad's in jail, her brother's just a kid, her mom's no help and her girlfriend want's more than she can give. Her family's in a shelter but she doesn't wanna be there long. She comes up with a plan, it could save her. Or it could backfire. Santana doesn't really have a choice. With everyone relying on her, she can't rely on anyone but herself. (G!PSan)
1. These Days

Project Love

**(A/N: Thank you to my new beta, Brittanaisendgame. I hope you guys like this new and updated chapter going to be working on more soon enough. Read and enjoy!)**

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><p>I'm leaned up against a light post when I hear the school bell ring, signaling the end of the day. My girlfriend, Brianna asked me to pick her up so we could talk. When Brianna walks up she's acting all weird and she silent for the rest of the way back to her place. She looks like she wants to say something but doesn't at the same time.I don't really care either way because I have a lot on my mind too.<p>

Brianna lives in East Harlem, or the"Spanish Harlem," I don't mind walking her around here because this area used to be my whole world. I used to live here with all my friends and we would do some pretty fun stuff. I hardly see them anymore more. I don't see Brianna everyday either though.

Our buildings were right across the parking lot from each other so it was a lot easier back then.

When we get to her building I don't really wanna go up. Mostly because her dad doesn't work on Fridays and he's gonna be there while we're doing whatever. Not that I don't like him, he's a really cool guy, I just want to be alone with Brianna.

When we get upstairs, Brianna's dad is cleaning up the house and watching T.V at the same time. I'll admit he hold it down for a single dad. I know my dad couldn't do it.

"Hi Santana, how are you? Your family okay?" he asks. He probably already knows the answer but I indulge him.

"Yeah Mr. Sánchez," I say with a small smile "We're doing alright."

"Are you hungry?" Mr. Sánchez asks me, but before I can even answer he's putting a ton of rice on a plate, along with some plantain, and a lot of chicken.

"Eat, I'm gonna go change." Brianna says smiling. She goes to this catholic school and has to wear this weird uniform she doesn't like. I sit down and Mr. Sánchez hands me the plate with a sad smile. I'm so hungry I just ignore the smile and eat. I hate it when people act like that. Like they're sorry for us.

Brianna comes out of her room a minute later in a pair of sweats and a t-shirt. She looks cute. Then again she always does to me. When I finish my food I wash my plate and Brianna tells her dad that she needs my help with her homework. She grabs my hand and leads me into her bedroom. She locks the door and I stand in the middle of the room looking around. My favourite thing about Brianna's room is all the stuffed animals on her shelves. It's...innocent and I'm glad she's like that. I mean she's only fourteen but I like it.

When I turn around, she pulls her shirt over her head and were kissing. My hands all over her body, but before anything else can happen, she goes over to the statue of St. Mary that she has next to the stuffed animals and turns it around so it's facing the wall. She does this every time we do something, so St. Mary won't see. Brianna still a virgin and she made it clear she's keeping it that way until marriage. She doesn't let me make her feel good, but she does like blowing me. I'm not going to complain about that. She might still be holding her v-card, but she seems to know what she's doing and she's really good at it.

When we're done, we go back in the living room so her dad won't suspect anything.

We're on the couch, just chilling, she's leaning on me and in this moment I'm happy. As happy as I can be. I look around and smile. I've been coming to this apartment forever and while I'm in here I can forget I'm in Harlem. Mr. Sánchez keeps it so clean. I look back at Brianna and she looks upset. "Why you acting so quiet today? What did you wanna talk about?" she just shrugs.

"Nothing, I just wanted to be with you." We kiss but it's not the same. She's not into it. I pull away and sigh.

"Just tell me Bri," she's looking everywhere and anywhere but me, playing with her hands.

"There's this guy at school and he keeps bothering me, sending notes and shit," she says quietly.

"Bothering you? I'll kick his ass." She shakes her head but I know she's lying."Are you trying to protect this guy?"

"No I'm trying to protect you." She grabs my thigh, "I don't want you to end up like your father. Shit... I'm sorry San." I get up and shake my head, "I'm gonna go." I say and walk out before she says anything else that will piss me off.

I fly down the hallway, and press the down button over and over again until it dings and the doors open. When I'm in the elevator I punch the lobby button over and over till the doors open. When I'm outside I walk around the place for a bit, trying to cool down but it isn't working out. Even though it's freezing it's all sunny and a good day for the end of January. I walk around a bit more, buy a pack of cigarettes, lean up against the wall outside and start smoking. I slowly feel the stress leaving. The stress of Brianna, my dad, everything.

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><p>When I get back to the EAU, around 6:00, there's not enough room inside for everyone so as usual there's more people standing outside then in. Mothers and their kids, that's all I see. No fathers anywhere. The EAU stands for the Emergency Assistance Unit, it's where people go when they have no where else to go. They're homeless. Carlos, my 8-year-old brother, is playing with my basketball in the front of the building. He's throwing it against the wall and then catching it. That's really all there is to do for someone his age. My mom is outside too, leaning on a van, smoking with some other woman. All our stuff is packed in one big black suitcase and two black garbage bags on the ground beside her. I wanna ask her if they found us a place, but I just roll my eyes at her and walk by without saying anything. I don't have anything to say to her anymore.<p>

Carlos threw the ball against the wall and it flies over his head into the street. He's about to go and chase after it without even looking to see if cars are coming. I call to him and he stops before he reaches the street. I go and get the ball by myself, and when I turn back to him he's holding his hands up like I'm gonna pass it to him. "You're too old to be running in the street for a ball." I tell him.

"I wasn't gonna run into the street," he says with his hands still up in the air. "San, come on, give me the ball!"

"First tell me you're not gonna run into the street anymore."

"I said I wasn't right?"

I fake a pass and watch him jump to catch it. I laugh and dribble the ball, just to mess with him a little more. "Now tell me you're not gonna take my stuff without asking."

"Okay! I promise." He says with a huff.

I finally throw him the ball and then walk over to my mom. But before I can ask for what I want she interrupts me "If you are hungry you better get in there and get yourself some food." She points towards the door of the building everyone is standing outside of.

"I'm not eating anymore of that shit food" I snark back.

"What are you gonna eat then? I have no more money for McDonald's so don't bother asking."

" Forget the food, I ate at Brianna's house. Real food."

"Jose didn't send us nothing this time?"

"Nah, he was showering when I left."

My mom sucks her teeth, "Well tell him I said thanks," she says sarcastically. I hate when my mom gets that way, always thinking everyone owes her something.

"You look for a job yet?" I ask her.

She shakes her head "I went to see your father today." I just shake my head because I know she isn't ever going to change, no matter what that man does. We're never going to get an apartment for ourselves because she has to go to Rikers Island when she needs to be looking for a job. The only reason I don't have one is because I'm not the one that should be taking care of us. I have other things that I need to deal with. I don't have time to work and to take care of my mom and brother. She's the mom I'm the kid, rightfully she should be taking care of me. I'm just sixteen.

"You get the mail?" She asks even though she already knows the answer.

I grab it out of my backpack for her, "I had to pay for the box and there's a bill from the storage place that we have to pay by the first of the month." I tell her like she might cares, but she rolls her eyes, and I do the same.

"I don't know how they expect us to pay all these bills when I have no job. They're just wasting ink." She goes on and on, talking stupidness, and I stop listening.

My eyes wander across the street and I see a woman and a teenage girl coming down the block. I can tell they're coming to the EAU by the size of the duffel bags they carrying. Everything they own is in them. They look as lost as my family looked when we got here. They don't have anywhere else to go. Just like all the rest of us.

The older girl goes inside while the teenager drops her bag on the ground and lights up a cigarette. She rubs her eyes, like she's trying to hide the fact that she's crying. Her eyes catch mine. They're so blue and innocent. I find the corners of my mouth turning upwards and I give her a small nod before my mom calls me over.

"San, go to the store for me," she says when I walk over there, "Get you and your brother some chips or something, and get me a Pepsi and a pack of juicy fruit."

"Yeah. Think you can watch Carlo's this time? I mean, he's only what, ten feet away from you. He almost ran into the street for a ball." She rolls her eyes at me.

"He wasn't going to run into the street. He's not stupid."

"That's why you got him in special ed?" I ask, she ignores me. Carlos shouldn't even be in special ed. He's a smart kid and those classes have him believing he's stupid. The only reason he takes them is because my mom gets money out of it from the government.

"Get some of those donuts with the sprinkles too." She hands me a ten-dollar bill.

"Thought you had no money." I say and walk away before she can pull another lie. Before I can get too far Carlos runs up to me.

"San! Can I go to the store with you?" I nod and grab his hand and walk with him to the corner store. When we get there I buy what my mom asked for, and a little extra something for Carlos. We make our way back out and see the bus on the street. We look at each other with wide eyes, and I clutch the bag before we start running for the bus. If you're not there on time it's gonna leave without you. They don't care if you're a kid or a grown adult. They have no mercy. You're not their problem. When we get back to the unit, I see the blonde girl and the older one with their bags. Sitting outside like everyone else. I glance briefly over at her and catch her eyes. They're sad, but they still hold hope. I wish I were like that, I wish I could have hope. But sadly, I don't.

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><p><strong>(AN: Updated and new, review and have an amazing day)**


	2. I Got Mine

Project Love

**(A/N: Thank you for reading and enjoy. Review, it gives me motivation.)  
><strong>

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><p>Chapter 2<p>

When the bus starts to leave, me Carlos and my mom all get on. I kind of want to sit in the back where the rest of the teens are but I don't because I really don't know any of them, and I don't feel like talking to anyone. When my cell phone rings, I answer it, expecting it to be Brianna but it isn't because I can't really deal with her right about now. "Hello?" I ask.

And just my luck it's Antonio. Antonio is my dad's best friend, or was before he got sent to jail. "Santana, its Antonio." I really can't stand him. I never could. " I went to see your dad the other day." he says in a bright voice, "He gave me your number. I couldn't believe it when he told me you guys were back in the shelter. Why didn't you call me?" I want to say 'it's because every time my dad gets out the picture you try to get with my mom', but I know he's going to lie and deny it. He couldn't tell the truth if there was a gun to his head.

"We're fine Antonio" I say rolling my eyes. As much I want out of this situation I don't want to deal with him.

"Well, you guys should have called me before you ended up like this. You know Santiago and I go way back." Oh how I know.

"Yeah Antonio." I say rolling my eyes.

"I could have helped you guys with money while your dad is away." The word 'money' is the only one I hear.

"Yeah Antonio I know, but-" I get cut off and clench my jaw.

"Now, your dad told your mom to contact me but I haven't heard anything..." I say nothing. "Your father and I talked for a long time Santanita, He wants me to get you guys out of there." I cringe when he says my name like that, I hate it when anyone calls me that but him the most. "So I was thinking" Here it comes. He wants something, that's the only reason he ever calls. "You know it doesn't make sense for Santiago's equipment to be sitting in storage collecting dust when I could be making money for you."

"I know he didn't say you could use his shit." I say sarcastically knowing it's the truth.

"Well not in certain words but-" He says trying to cover up his lie.

"Look Antonio I gotta go. Bye." I flip my cell phone closed and sigh.

I look around for a few seconds before my phone rings again. I really hoped I wouldn't have to cuss Antonio out on a bus full of people but when I looked at my phone it was Brianna this time.

"Hey," I say into the phone. I speak very straight because I'm not really in the mood to talk.

"Hey baby" She says and I pinch my eyes shut at the pet name. I never really like it. "I just wanted to make sure we were okay? My awards ceremony is tomorrow, are you still coming?" Her tone is so light and hopeful. How can I say no?

"Yeah I'll be there. But can we talk later, I gotta go." I say cause it's true, I'm running out of minutes.  
>" Yeah, I love you Santana, don't you forget that." She says, I almost say it back but I can't bring myself to. Somehow it just doesn't feel right.<p>

I close my phone and shove it back in my pocket. I get up from my seat and move to the back of the bus where all the younger people are. I don't want to hear my mom talking in my ear anymore, it's too annoying. I look around for somewhere to sit and when I finally find an opening, I trip over someone's leg. I'm about to curse whoever it is out, but when I turn around my eyes meet with familiar blue eyes and I can't do it.

"Sorry, my fault." I mumble and shake my head. My voice comes out nervous and shaky. I sound like an embarrassed teenager. What was happening to me? She smiles at me and if I'm being honest I can't help but to smile back. I nod my head at her once and resume walking back to where I was going to sit. She turns back to the older girl and leans her head on her shoulder. Both of them are giggling and I can't help but blush. They must think I'm special or something.

When the bus finally comes to a stop, one of the social workers read off the names of the people getting off here. I'm kind of hoping that the blonde doesn't get off. As the people make their way out with their stuff I look out the window. In front of the liquor store, two drunk Mexicans are screaming at each other and all their friends are trying to keep them from fighting each other. It's funny. I even chuckle a bit. People are walking past not doing anything and not paying them any attention. Like it's just another day in the Bronx.

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><p>I should have known that they were going to send us to the Penumbra Motel. Some of the guys I was talking to last week told me about this place. They talked about how Penumbra has rats the size of dogs and that roaches work the front desk.<p>

And when we arrive, the place looks messed from the outside. The inside is even worse. It smells rotten, probably because there's no fresh air in here.

All the women go to the front desk to sign their families in and no one is saying a word. Everyone has stopped talking and making jokes.

A few minutes later I see the older blonde go over and tell the younger blonde something and then they make their way to their room.

"Santana, can you believe this?" My mom asks when we get to our room, "Why do they have us here? I have a 8 year old child!" I don't say anything. She just goes on "They're gonna have children sleeping on these beds for three nights?" I'm done listening to her. She's not grateful for anything. She always acts like people gotta do shit for her. Carlos starts crying and my mom keeps yelling, so I walk over to his bag and get him a change of clothes. Then I push him to the bathroom and kill all the roaches I see before I put him in the shower.

When I walk back into the room, my mom is talking to one of her friends on my phone. "Give my phone back!" I yell out and try to grab it from her, but she pushes me away. I clench my fist, I'm so annoyed.

"Get out of my face" She flags her hand for me to go.

"You're using all my damn minutes," I sit down on one of the beds. Why does she always take my stuff without asking?

Carlos finally comes out the bathroom and gets into the bed. He closes his eyes and I can tell all he wants to do is to sleep.

My mom finishes my minutes and throws my phone back at me. "What's your lazy ass doing?"

"What's that supposed to mean?" I ask. I didn't want to start anything but sometimes she makes it so impossible not too.

She folds her arms, "It means, what are you doing for this family? Why aren't you doing something for me and him. We wouldn't have to live like this you know."

For a minute I try and hold my anger back because Carlos sleeping. But before I know it I'm off the bed yelling. "What am I supposed to do?"

"You never do anything, look at you. You don't go to school because you're ignorant and lazy. And when you get your ass to school all you do is fight." My mom says shaking her head, like she's disappointed in me.

"What do you do? Don't talk about lazy. What are you doing?" I ask, livid.

She doesn't listen though, she just keeps going. "You don't even work. You're almost sixteen Santana, what kind of woman you gonna be? Some lazy broke ass bitch?"

I get in her face, "Like you? You want me to do what? You want me to sell weed on the streets? That's what you want isn't it?"

She doesn't back down though and thrusts her finger into my chest. "Would we be here if you were out there selling?"

Carlos starts crying again and my mom moves away from me. She walks around the room like she's some kind of animal in a cage. "Santana, you gotta do something, this shit is serious now." She's not screaming anymore, she just looks scared. "You spend your time walking around the streets screwing that Brianna girl, but that doesn't make you anything. You gotta start taking care of your family."

"Well why do I have to do what you or your man should be? You want me to take care of you because he keeps getting locked up? That's not my problem, it's yours"

I grab my cell phone and my jacket, and I'm gone. I get in the hall and just want to punch or throw something. I can't calm myself down. I wanna go somewhere, anywhere but I don't have a place to go.

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><p>I walk around the motel for about five minutes and when I get to the lobby I see the blonde with the beautiful blue eyes. I walk over to her and smile slightly. After staring for a little longer I sit down on the couch beside her. She gives me a soft smile and I already feel comfortable around her.<p>

"Why you out here so late?" I ask softly, playing with my hands and looking down at the ground.

"I could ask you the same thing." She murmurs and looks at me with a raised eyebrow. I look right back at her and nod.

"Fair enough. My mom and I got into a fight. I just needed some air so I walked out." I don't want to give away too much because let's be real I barely know this girl. And I don't want her knowing all my business. But I know I could tell her and she would sit here and listen to every word. Something Brianna would never be able to do.

"My sister and I got into an argument too so I know how you feel" She says quietly.

I smile slowly, "Well, I'm glad we both have something other than this place in common." I say while I relax into the couch.

We talk for a long time. About nothing and everything. All I can say as of now is that she's cool. She gets me and that's more than I can say for anyone else I know, especially Brianna.

"I never did get your name beautiful?" I say, I didn't know my voice could get that husky.

I see her blush and she looks down, playing with her hands. I've only known her a couple of hours but I know it's her nervous habit. Every time I flirt with her she does it.

"My name is Brittany" she says looking back at me. My heart nearly plunges out of my chest.

I stand up and grab her hand, pulling her up with me. The contact between my hand and hers sends a shock through me. But I have to keep my cool because I don't want her thinking that I'm some type of weirdo who squeals at nothing.

"It's getting late, you should go back to your room Brittany. I'll walk you? I murmur affectionately, almost purring her name. Her face is completely red, and if she was trying to hide it before it's clearly noticeable now. She leads the way, my hand still holding hers as we walk to her room. When we get there I lean against the wall and she leans against the door. "Thank you for walking me. It was really sweet." I nod not saying anything. She slowly leans in to kiss my cheek but I turn my head so her lips land on mine. I grin, putting my hand on her hip and pulling her a little closer. We kiss for a long time, and I forget about everything. Her lips on mine make me feel some type of way I've never felt. When she pulls away I bite my lip. But before she can say anything I walk away.

I know I can't go back to my room because I'm not wanting to face my mother. So I settle for the couch instead. After a few minutes, my eyes fall heavy and all I can see are those blue eyes.


	3. Things 'Aint Like They Used To Be

Project Love

When I wake up it's almost 6:00 am. I feel terrible. My back hurts and my mouth is all dry. I probably look worse than I feel.

When I get up the person behind the desk is giving me a dirty look. I stretch out and it takes me a few minutes to replay what happened what last night. And when I do I feel horrible. I kissed Brittany. Why'd I kiss her? I have Brianna. I shake my head and sit back down on the couch. It's too early for me to worry about Carlos yet. So instead of doing something, I simply go back to sleep.

When I wake up again it's almost 8:00 am. The guy behind the desk is still giving me the dirtiest look, but when I look down I know why. Sometimes I hate having a dick."Fuck..." I whisper and stand up from the couch. I try to think of dead dogs and other sad stuff to release some of the tension.

I walk to my room, dreading what's to come. I don't want to go back in there, especially after what happened yesterday, but I need to change and get cleaned up. I knock on the door soft at first but no one answers. I start banging a little harder each time, but until I start pounding there's no response. "Fuck man, what?!" I hear my mom yell and I laugh slightly. She sounds like she feels which is probably like crap.

"It's me. Let me in." I try to open the door again but it's locked still.

"What do you want?" She asks. She's happy because now I have to beg her to get back into the room. "I need my clothes, what do you think I need?" I roll my eyes.

"You should have that about that before you left. Maybe you should deal with your problems instead of running away from them." She says and I roll my eyes again.

"I need my shit" I say knocking on the door angrily. I can't look completely homeless at an awards ceremony or whatever the hell it is.

I can hear Carlos getting up from the bed, but I know my mom is going to stop him from opening the door. "Go to sleep Carlos, I'm not dealing with her bullshit right now" I hate it when she drags him into our fights. He doesn't deserve it.

I knock on the door a few more times but eventually I give up, she's not going to let me in. I know she's not. She's 'living it up' and she's happy because she knows I'm miserable. What kind of mother is that?

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><p>When I get to Brianna's apartment I probably look and smell as homeless as I wish I wasn't. I haven't changed, showered, or even brushed my teeth. I really don't know how I'm supposed to go to Brianna's awards ceremony like this.<p>

Mr. Sánchez answers the door and he has that look on his face. The same one he always has. He feels sorry for me. Brianna comes out of her room when he lets me in. She's wearing some shorts and a crop top. I wanted to hug her right then but she's looks too clean. She really doesn't care about what I look like or smell like though because she gives me a hug anyways. "Thank you for coming San" she says in my ear and I nod. She smells like heaven compared to me.

"Go get some clothes on Bri." Mr. Sánchez says. Since I'm really early he lets me shower while he sends Brianna out to buy me a new pair of boxers, some socks and a toothbrush. I feel bad that they're spending money on me, but they know i appreciate it and need it.

Brianna knocks on the door of the bathroom and I step out onto bath mat on the floor. I reach to open the door a little and she hands me a bag through the door. "Make sure you wash your hair too." Then she closes the door. In the bag there's the new clothes and an old but nice shirt that I left here a while ago, and a twenty five dollar prepaid card. I smile at her gesture, she's too good to me sometimes.

I wash my hair quickly and then dry off. I get dressed in all the stuff they got me and I feel really good. Nice and fresh.

Brianna comes in after and she brushes my hair. Then she helps me blow dry it and straighten it. I look and feel good. But I feel guilty too because here Brianna is treating me like this and I let last night with Brittany happen.

The award ceremony turns out to be boring. All they did was hand out pieces of paper, and sing all those tired, old church songs.

I am happy to see my girl getting an award though. Unfortunately we have to wait until the end because she's receiving the highest award or something. Brianna got her award after getting a lot of younger teens and kids to volunteer at this old folks home. She used to go a lot but since they have all the other help now, she only goes a couple of times a week.

When it's all over, she comes back over to us and gives us both hugs. She shows me her award with a huge smile on her face. Personally with all the money the school makes, you'd think they would give her something nicer.

We leave the school and Mr. Sánchez informs us he's taking us to Red Lobster. "My little girl doesn't get an award everyday." He says putting his arms around Brianna. "I'm so proud of you."

"Thank you daddy" she smiles and I smile too. They're so cute and close. He's her everything and she's his. Ever since her mom died that is. Even though he sent her away to some bible camp for one summer, she was mad then but she understood eventually.

We drive to the restaurant and they talk about the ceremony and Brianna gets more praise. I stay quiet and kind of wish it was me getting praised. Because the only conversations my mom and I ever have involve me selling weed. There's certainly no award for that, and I doubt she would care if I went to jail.

Throughout dinner my mind is barely in the same room. I'm eating because it's the best meal I've had in a long time, but I'm not feeling talkative. But it doesn't really seem to matter because Brianna and her dad haven't said anything to me. I'm can't get Penumbra out of my head. I really don't want to go back, especially not after such a peaceful day . What am I going to do if my mom doesn't let me in again? I can't go to Brittany's, I don't even remember where her room is.

When we're done eating Mr. Sánchez orders something for my brother and I smile "You really don't have to." I know how expensive Red Lobster is, and it's bad enough he paid for me.

"Nonsense, that little guy needs some good food on a cold night like tonight." He smiles back at me.

"See, your dad is cool," I tell Brianna and she shakes her head.

"Don't tell him that or he'll believe it." She laughs, winking at her dad and he acts like it hurt his feelings.

They're laughing and having a good time. It's hard for me because it brings back memories and makes me wish I still had something like that. The last time my family this much fun was about four months ago. My dad brought us all out to this Spanish place down in Harlem for my mom's thirty-fourth birthday. We were joking just like Brianna and her dad. Little did we know my dad would get arrested two days later. And if I'm being honest, that's the last fun thing that's happened to me in what feels like forever. Since then we've been too busy worrying about not having somewhere to live and money.

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><p>I didn't want to come back to Penumbra. But I knew my mom wasn't good at taking care of Carlos by herself for too long. She usually gets angry because she wants to go out with her friends, especially on a Saturday night. She's even left Carlos alone a couple of times just because she couldn't take being home. That's why I made sure Carlos knew my number upside down and sideways. So if he needed anything I could be there.<p>

When I get to our room, I knock and she opens the door, unlike this morning. Instead of being the bitch she was she just looks tired and mad. "Where have you been?" She voice is laced with attitude.

"None of your business really" I squeeze by her and go inside the room. I hand Carlos the food Mr. Sanchez ordered for him. He's watching TV and eating the chips I bought him yesterday. He probably hasn't had anything else all day.

My mom closes the door behind her and rolls her eyes. "Your little girlfriend do your hair?" I don't say anything because she knows who did my hair. "What's in the bag Carlos?" She pesters him.

"I didn't give it to you so what does it matter?" I shake my head, trying to keep her nose out of it.

"Whatever, I'm going out with Sadie and Ariane tonight." she smirks, thinking it might make me jealous or something.

"Okay have a good time. Eat up Carlos." I scruff up his hair and he opens it. He starts into it and eagerly enjoys something he never gets.

"How in the hell did you get that?" My mom snarls and I can hear her stomach growling.

"Brianna's dad took us out after her awards thing. You can have some if Carlos says it's okay." Carlos nods. I can't be completely rude. She's still my mom and I don't like seeing her hungry.

When she gets her couple of bites, she goes to shower and get ready for the night out. Carlos and I talk for the while, and I tell him he needs to do his homework tomorrow. But he says he can't because my mom wants to bring him along to see our caseworker. "You're not going to that meeting, you can't keep missing school."

After my mom leaves, I let Carlos play my game boy for a bit while I figure out what work he needs to do. On my search I find a note from his teacher. She wrote that she needed to meet with my mom to discuss his school work and other issues. I know Carlos doesn't do school well but what other issues does he have? I hope she's not trying to report us to ACS, or the administration for children services, because we're having a rough time right now. We haven't had an ACS case in a couple of years. My dad got us out last time when he got out of jail, which was about a year ago. I'd do anything to stay out of the foster system. I hate it, but I would go any day to keep Carlos from going again.

I put all the work Carlos needs to do on the dresser and then I pull out his clothes for school tomorrow so they aren't wrinkled.

I lay on the other bed when I'm done. The more I think about this life the madder I get. I'm mad I'm here at Penumbra. Why do I have to be here with no money or apartment? Why am I spending my Saturday night in this nasty room instead of having fun like people my age should be doing? And most of all why is my dad locked up and not taking care of us so I don't have to worry about us all the time? I just wish my life was different. Better.

* * *

><p>My mom doesn't get back until really late. And when she stumbles through the door, it's clear she's plastered. I can tell it's not just alcohol. At first I'm upset, mad even, but then my feelings turn into jealously.<p>

"I'm through with your dad," she says loudly, waking Carlos up. "I'm through with this lifestyle, you understand Santana?" She leans against the wall trying to take her shoes off but she falls because she's too messed up to stand. "That club was full of fine guys tonight and guess what Santana?" she slurs, and I shake my head.

"What?" Why can't she just be normal?

"I could have had any one of them, because I'm still fine and I mean a fine piece of ass. But I can't do nothing with them...well not supposed to." She lets out a small laugh like she's telling herself a joke. "No no I have to stay faithful to someone who's not even around anymore."

She sits on Carlos' bed, the one he's trying to sleep on and started getting sad just like she always does. "It's not fair. None of it." Tears are running down her face "You understand that right? You feel me right?" I just shake my head and stay quiet because I know it's better to just leave her than answer her questions. I just have to wait her drunken state out. When she gets like this, no one sleeps. She babbles on until all the crap is out of her system and she passes out.

I'm woken up by a few lite knocks on the door. I bury my face further into my pillow, but then I hear a familiar voice. "Santana?" I know that voice but I can't put together who it is. The knocking isn't going to stop anytime soon and I don't want my mom or Carlos to wake up, so I get up and open the door. It's Brittany. She's a little surprised I opened the door as abruptly, but she smiles at me. How is she this cheerful this early in the morning? She's wearing a panda hat and she has leg warmers on her arms. "Hi Santana." I can't help but laugh a little at her style.

"Aren't those for your legs?" Brittany tilts her head to the side and frowns.

"Yes, but I made a new use for them. My arms are always colder than my legs anyway."She shrugs, smiling confidently.

I smile and duck my head to hide my face. She's cute and even though her outfit might not make it to the runway, she can work anything she wears. "So what are you doing here?" I came out a little harsh but that's just because I just woke up and she understood and nodded.

She snaps her fingers as she remembers and yet again it's so adorable. "One of the guards downstairs told me that there's a church around the corner that gives out free breakfast. I really don't want to go by myself and you're like the only person I know so I was hoping you would come with me?".

"You want me to go to a church? How'd you find my room anyway?" I ask, surprised.

"I asked the guy at the front and he told me. I had to bribe him, but he told me eventually." She smiled like she was proud of herself. "The service starts at eight, so if you want to go,we need to go now."

I rub my eyes and sigh "Fine Ms. Stalker. Give me a few minutes okay?" She nodded and smiles brightly. It makes me happy that I made her happy.

I shut the door and go to wake Carlos up. "Carlos, wake up. We are going to go get some food okay?"

He mumbles and gives me a sleepy nod. I go get ready in the bathroom and change, and when I come back out Carlos is putting on his shoes.

It's freezing outside as we walk and I keep my arms crossed over my chest. "I heard it was going to snow today" Brittany says breaking the silence. She sound excited about the news and I can't help but wonder why? I hate the winter.

Carlo's loves it though so he's happy when he hears "I hope it snows a lot so I don't have to go to school " He starts jumping around and smiling. When I was little I loved snow days that much.

As we walk, we pass all these shut down factories, empty buildings, places with nothing but garbage. This whole neighborhood is ugly and depressing. Brittany must have noticed my state of mind.

"I was looking for you yesterday." Brittany says nonchalantly.

"You have no one else to hang out with?" I ask hoping she doesn't. I mean come on, this girl could have anyone or anything, but she was looking for me.

"No. It's scary around that place, and when I was with you, you made me feel safe." She says frowning.

We continue on without talking anymore. Carlos is walking in front of us. We are about to walk across that street and he doesn't even look for cars before stepping off the curb. I grab his hand quickly. "Carlos what have I told you about watching where you're going. Now you get to hold my hand like a little five year old." I hear Brittany chuckle.

When we arrive at the church we're right on time. We hurry in and find a couple of seats towards the back.

It's named Iglesias de Dos Del Bronx. It's not a church like the one that I used to go to. It's just a rented out store front.

We sit through the service, and I keep falling in and out of sleep. Carlos sleeping quietly next to me and Brittany's attention is on the service. She seems so invested and she smiling even though the whole thing is being led in Spanish.

I never really believed in God. If there was one, we wouldn't be here just for food. My family wouldn't be going through what we are. My dad always taught me to depend on myself and that's all I need, myself.

While some music plays, a collection plate is passed around. It doesn't come to the back though. They're probably afraid we'll steal it.

After everything is over, they announce the breakfast will be held out front. All the other homeless people in the back with us start moving and since almost all of them are still sleepy, it's funny watching them stumble around. I nudge Carlos awake and he gets up. I grab his hand and we all follow the crowd.

The first thing I notice is how the food smells. It smells amazing. Better than anything I've smelt in a while. My stomach growls and I take a deep breath. Brittany, Carlos, and I grab a table and wait until it's our turn. Brittany and I make small talk, mostly about our lives and how it was before. I learn I'm older than her just by a couple of months and she tells me that doesn't mean much and smiles.

We finally get our food and sit back down at our table to eat. Carlos and I are stuffing it in, but Brittany is sitting there taking her time. I stop shoveling food into my mouth and look around. A lot of people are staring at her. I don't blame them. She's beautiful, but also doesn't seem to belong here. When I resume eating, I slow down and try my best to look as nice as Brittany as she eats. The pastor guy stands up and makes all of us clap for the ladies who cooked all the food, and then he announces leftovers are available to take home. I made sure to pack something for mom as well as Carlos and myself.

We hang out a little longer and a girl walks up to Brittany, who is getting her leftovers. She comes back with a huge smile on her face. "Look" she hands me a business card "She said she needs another waitress. And she said she would train me and take me on. All I have to do is call and I could start next week."

I smile over at her. I'm genuinely happy for her. "That's awesome Brittany. Good for you."

We're walking back and Brittany is the first to speak up. "Are you mad about what happened? You know the other night."

"No I'm not mad...I just...I'm with someone right now. We can't let that happen again" I regret the words. Brittany made me feel things, but I can't do that to Brianna. It isn't right. She nods in understanding.

We walk the rest of the way in silence until we reach Penumbra. I drop Carlos off at our room and then I walk Brittany to her room. She kisses my cheek and I give her a weak smile.

"Do you wanna come in? I want to talk" Brittany asks shyly.

I think about it for a second and nod "Just for a minute."

* * *

><p><strong>(AN: I want to thank Brittanaisendgame aka my beta for all the help, enjoy, review and follow up everyone!)**


	4. Next Girl

Project Love

Brittany leads me over to the bed, her hand in mine and we sit down facing each other with our legs crossed.

"I want to get to know you better, can I ask you some questions?" Brittany says shyly with a smile. I give her a simple nod in return. She picks at her shirt and then looks back up "How did you and your family get here?" She gestures around the room with her hands. It's funny she asked that because the same question has been on my mind about her all day.

"Well, my dad is in jail and my mom can't keep a job. Our landlord had enough of us just promising to pay the rent, so we got evicted. And now we're here" I gesture to the room like she did and shrug it off. It makes me mad to think about it, so I try my best to make it light. I just can't understand how my parents couldn't be more prepared. If my dad knew something could happen, why wouldn't he make sure we were taken care of.

Brittany frowns and gives me a sad smile. She looks disappointed but she's not judging me I can be sure of it. The first time I told Brianna my dad was in jail she freaked out and made me feel like it was my fault.

"Why is he in jail?" Brittany asks quietly not wanting to overstep "Did he sell drugs or something?"

I think about the answer to that one for second, making sure my response is clear.

"Not this time." Brittany nods and I continue with my explanation. I don't know why I feel so comfortable talking to this girl. I barely know her, but somehow she makes me feel better talking about my feelings than my own girlfriend.

"You see, my dad's been in and out of jail throughout his whole life. But that doesn't mean he wasn't or isn't a good dad. I wouldn't choose anyone over him. Ever. He's a DJ and he throws these wild, crazy parties. The first time he was sent to jail was for selling drugs at his parties. I was four years old when that happened. I didn't really understand it. One day we were happy and everything was fine and then he was gone and my mom was really upset. My abuela came to stay with us and she took care of us. He got out on my ninth birthday, well actually the day before my birthday." I took a second and allowed myself to smile at the one pleasant memory.

"We all went out to dinner and then we just hung out as a family again. I was so happy. Everything seemed to be going back to normal, but it didn't stay like that for long. A couple of years later and he was back in jail. This time it was because they thought he was a pimp. But he wasn't. He just threw the parties and whatever happened, happened. But they didn't see it that way."

My eyes meet Brittany's and she gives me another innocent, caring smile. She's listening, like actually paying attention and caring. I'm not one for feelings, but she made them okay.

"He served three years of what was supposed to be five. I was fourteen when he got out that time and Carlos and I were in the system." This is when the feelings get to be too much. Brittany moves closer and wraps her arms around me and I just sink into them.

"You're so strong Santana" She says and I shrug it off. Nobody ever says stuff like that to me. I don't know how to take it.

Her body is warm and it feels good pressed against me. I can't help but look up into her eyes, and just as I thought she's looking back with all the care in the world. Her blue eyes are like a peaceful river or something corny like that. I love it. Brianna only sees her side of our relationship. She never talks with me like this. She doesn't hold me and tell me if I'm strong. She mostly complains and talks about her problems.

"You're probably wondering why I'm here right?" Brittany states and I nod into her chest. "When I was twelve, my mom and little brother were killed in a car crash. No one expected it. My mom was always so careful. My dad was devastated. We were blessed as a family. My dad was a doctor and my mom was a lawyer. My brother wanted to be a police officer. And I've always dreamed of being a dancer. My sister was the only one that wasted what she was given. Anyway, my dad quit his job after a while and the money got spent. We lost our house and cars. Everything. My dad was so depressed he turned to drugs and one day I came home to our little apartment and found him overdosed. Then we lost the apartment. My dad was an amazing man. He was like my guiding light you know. I looked up to him. And after he died, my sister, Amanda became that. She had a boyfriend at the time and he let us crash with him for a while, but when they started fighting about how much my sister wanted to party, he kicked us out. And so now we're here." Brittany lets out a sigh and I look up at her in awe.

I pulled her closer and move her so she's lying on me now. I kiss the top of her head and stroke her hair. "You know what? You say I'm strong. But you're my guiding light now...You're seriously amazing Brittany." I try to sound as sincere as I can.

We laid there for a little longer and then I glance at the clock and jump out of the bed. "Sorry, it's later than I thought. I need to go back to my room and get Carlos ready for school for tomorrow. But I can come back tonight if you'll let me?" I grab the door knob and Brittany smiles and nods.

"Of course San. You can come by whenever you want you, know that. I have to finish something for school anyways." She gives me a smile and I can tell she's happy that I'm coming back.

I raise my eyebrow and bite my lip "You actually still go to school?" She nods proudly.

"Don't you?" She cocks her head to the side and gives me a questioning stare.

I don't wanna look bad or stupid so I nod once, quickly "Yeah, I just haven't been in a while. With all that's been going on, I decided to take a break." I give her a wave and then leave the room.

* * *

><p>When I get to my room I tell Carlos to go shower and get cleaned up. While he's in the bathroom I wake my mom up and tell her I have food for her to eat. I wanted her to eat it before it got too cold. She's clearly hungover and moans loudly as I shake her body. She should know she's getting too old to be partying like she's twenty again. Once she's a little more awake I mention the food again and she actually smiles up at me. "You got some for me?"<p>

" Yeah, eat it before it gets colder." She sits up slowly and grabs the bag from my hands. "This smells really good" She opens the foil container "Wow, this is what I'm talking about." I hand her a Coke I picked up for her on the way back too. "You really remembered your mother this time Santana. Nobody can tell me I didn't raise you right."

I lay back on the bed I share with Carlos and look over at my mom as she digs into her food. "You were really messed up last night" I joke at her.

"No I wasn't. I just had a couple of drinks." She winks at me and continues eating. I like when I can have fun with her.

"Okay, but next time I get high, you can't say anything." She chuckles and swallows.

"Deal." While she's eating, I tell her about the snowstorm that's coming and how we're probably not going anywhere for a while. She doesn't get mad like I thought she would though.

I go through my bag a little bit after our conversation and look for my black skinny jeans, because they're still clean.

Carlos runs out of the bathroom crying and acting scared. "Santana, there's a huge spider on the wall in the bathroom" He's so upset,but I can't help but find his distress funny.

"What are you, two? Take a shoe and go kill it." He huffs and grabs MY shoe off the floor and a second later I hear it pound against the wall.

By the time Carlos gets out of the bathroom and I get in, there are towels all over the floor and everything's wet. I take my shower and get out and brush my teeth. I finish doing what I need to do and close the door to the bathroom. I find Carlos lounging on mom's bed watching TV and eating the cheesies I promised him he could have after he finished his homework.

I grab the bag out of his hands and turn off the TV and stand in front of it. "I told you no cheesies until after homework. You have ears and a brain don't you?" He huffs and gives me a pout. It takes me an hour to finally get him started on his homework. I spend every second with him though, helping him the best I can.

He's done a lot of his work and it's been a long time since we moved around so I tell him to grab his coat and we walk out into the hall.

Once we're away from the room, I call Puck. Our dads have always been locked up at the same time.

"Puck." I hear a huff on the other end.

"Santana?" He asks surprised.

"What's up?" My voice is a little quiet, I hope it doesn't make me sound weak.

"Chillin' as per usual. Where you at right now?" He's curious because he's noisy like everyone else, but I don't mind it from him.

"I'm at Penumbra."

"Shit Santana."

"You're telling me. Where are you?" I hope he says he's home or somewhere close by.

"In front of my building." I nod thanking whoever for letting him be home.

"I'm gonna come by a'ight."

"A'ight. See ya" He hangs up and I shove my phone in my pocket,

Puck will help me out.

I go back into our room and grab my jacket. My mother questions me before I leave. "You going to see Noah?" She knows I have no other options.

Not that Puck isn't my friend, we've been through some tough shit together. We can't not be friends in a way. But Puck's into some pretty heavy stuff so I don't want to go there with him.

To be honest, I barely chill with him because knowing my luck, I would be there while some shit goes down and next thing I know I'll be locked up. Puck's the first person I've met that will truly tell you he's gonna end up in jail soon. That's just how he's living and how much he knows what he's doing is wrong.

I don't answer my mom though, I just grab my jacket and leave. I really don't want her thinking I'm going to see Puck because of what she said the other night. Because the truth is, she was right. I don't wanna be like my dad.

On my way out I see Brittany by the payphone. She's talking really fast but really quiet. She hunched over the box part and I don't think she sees me as I pass by. I try to listen to her conversation but she's too quiet and I don't want to bother her and I just keep walking. I've talked to her enough today anyway. I'm done with feelings for today.


	5. Too Afraid To Love You

Project Love

**(A/N: Hey guys gonna be working on a long chapter soon so without further or do here we go warning there is sexual scenes using g!p in this chapter so skip the bottom part if you don't want to read that. And happy holidays everyone!) **

The snow's really coming down hard now, I spent about an hour at the train station swiping people in with my Metro Card charging them half of what the city wants them to pay. When I'm done I have 12 dollars which really isn't shit but it beats having nothing. I get uptown at around 3:00 and it's like blizzard out here, Puck lives in Harlem but on the other side of where Brianna lives. He's standing in front of the building probably freezing his ass of, I know I am. No matter how cold it gets Puck's never inside, he's all about selling his product and let me tell you he sells that good shit. People want what he got in winter, summer and fall. At least he has a heavy jacket on and Tims so his feet are warm. He has to be making good money.

When Puck see's me he shakes his head at me, "San, you look like a goon." he says laughing at his joke.  
>I just shake my head, "Yeah yeah, you're no Joshua Bowman either, relax."<p>

"Shut the fuck up, just cause he's Jewish you racist?" Puck says laughing, he opens the lobby door with his key and we go inside. He knows how I feel about the cold, I'm not about to stand in the cold when I can be warm. "So what's up with you and Brianna?" He asks and I can see this smirk on his face cause he knows Brianna and he knows she doesn't give it up. "You making her ride Santanasauras Rex yet?"

I roll my eyes, not saying anything cause frankly that's none of his damn business, I just laugh a bit and look anywhere else but him.

"Damn San, how do you not hit that?"

I decide to change the subject cause I don't feel like talking about Brianna right now, she's not what's on my mind. "So what's up with you and Quinn? When is she gonna have that baby? I saw her a couple weeks ago she looks about ready to bust out."

Now Pucks rolling his eyes, getting all grumpy and mad. "Me and her are done alri-"

"Again? Holy shit man." I say cause they break up and get together every couple weeks. They have a crazy relationship if you ask me cause they be fighting and cursing one second and the next they're all in love. Next thing you know she's getting restraining orders and then they're back together for a week before the cycle go over and over again. We know the only reason why Quinn started going out with him was cause he was selling and making money and she wanted to be the popular bad girl who did that so, look where we are now. Now that she's pregnant her mom calls him and demands money, always saying how he's gonna be stuck till that kids 18. Sometimes I'm alright without sex, I couldn't be dealing with no baby momma shit right about now.

Puck smiles at me wiggling his eyebrows, "Yeah me and her are done but its okay cause I got ten girls now." He has this toothy grin on his face and I chuckle, then he goes on and on about how he's hitting it everyday, when he gets started he can talk a lot of shit. When he's done his shit talk he leans against the row of metal mailboxes and looks at me in my eye while I look down, "So what's up? What do you need?" He asks and I have to admit I hate coming to him like this, me and him are close and everything but I wish that we were both broke as a joke again, like we were when we were younger. Now that he's making money its like whenever i see him i have to be asking for money.

"Say the word San and I'll hook you up, you can work for me and make some real cash, how long are you trying to make that bullshit change?"

"Puck I can't work for you." I say shaking my head

He looks confused as fuck and he shakes his head, "I don't get you, if you get caught you'll be charged as a minor you're only 16," he says's like he's not 16 "Why are you so scared?"

"I'm not scared Puck, I already told you I don't want Carlos locked in that system, my mom doesn't know how to take care of him by herself, you know how she is." I don't want him thinking I'm scared cause that's not it. "Yo Puck, when my dad gets out I'm on my own cause there's no way I'm living under the same roof as him." I don't know why I'm telling Puck my new plans, I just don't want him thinking I'm scared. When my dad's out who knows, maybe I will work with Puck for a bit, make some fast cash to get everything I need. After a while of chilling me and Puck go up to the second floor where he lives with three of his best friends. When we walk in I look around and see each one of the boys doing something, Sam's sitting down on the couch playing some game on the new PlayStation that just came out, I can tell right away that he's playing Grand Theft Auto. The game looks so realistic and Sam's just smiling all happy and shit, he's working the game like it's all he does all day, that and get high of course. Next is Finnocence, he's sitting on the big chair with a bong in between his legs taking a toke, I chuckle at him a bit because he looks up and his eyes are red as shit. Blaine the oldest one there is in the kitchen, talking on his cell. "What's up San," He asks when he gets off the phone. "When you gonna work with us, we're expanding and we need new people, you down?"

"Not now Blaine, not now." I say.  
>"You're still with that Metro Card shit huh?"<br>"Yeah but I need to talk to you guys about something."  
>Blaine sits down at the table and smiles, lighting up a blunt. "You wan't some?" He asks.<br>"Alright," I say, reaching over when he hands it over, taking the biggest hit and holding it in for a long time before smoke was sneaking out of my lungs. Next thing I know me Puck and Blaine are sitting at the kitchen table getting fucked out of our minds drinking and smoking,I have to say they have the best weed in Harlem. Sam and Finn walk into the kitchen after a while and starts laughing at us, I don't know what's so funny but next thing you know I'm laughing and so is everyone around the table. We're talking about stupid shit back in the days, we all lived in the same building at one point and we were all pretty tight, Finn pissed us all off though. We went to the corner store once and all of us stole Finn was the only one who got caught so when his mom picked him up and took him out by his ear, smacking him and yelling at him we were all laughing.

After a while Blaine looks at me and smiles, "So, what're you thinking about San?"  
>"Yeah what do you need?" Puck says and I swear if he doesn't stop saying that shit I'm going to punch his straight in the balls.<p>

I do need something though so I cant front. "Alright well I got all my dads equipment right, speakers CD's, everything. Its all in storage."

"Do you wanna sell, I know some guys that would buy." Sam says and I give him a death glare for interrupting me, I mean come on he's known me forever and he still doesn't know me. "I'm not selling his shit,, he's out in a couple months. What I want to do is throw some parties like he used to. But you know, for our age, I'm gonna find a place, I'm gonna charge people to get in and You guys can sell your shit outside while I DJ. What about it?"

Sam looks around, impressed, Puck smiles cause he knows he'll be put on the job and he'll get paid big time if it goes right, Finn just looks constipated as always but I have to look at Blaine because when it comes down to it he's the one that'll make the final decision. He nods for a bit, probably thinking about what to do.

"That sounds brilliant to me," he says smiling suddenly and taking a wad of cash out of his pocket. "How much will it be to get started, and we will be getting our money back plus what we make in the front and if there's gonna be drinks whoever gets sent out can get some for free."

I nod thinking about it, "I'm gonna need about $300 or $350 to start it up, but this is only the first, we keep having parties and people keep coming and we charge more. We'll make some real money then." I say making it sound like it could be big like my dads used to be. I won't tell them I'm just trying to make enough money for an apartment, cause I'm not trying to stay at Penumbra and I'm not trying to stay in no more hotels.

Blaine counts out $325 and hands the roll of cash to me, "Make this good Lopez." He says and I nod.

"Alright, thank you. But for real keep it outside." I say and they nod, Pucks already asking if he could be on this job and I know he'll get it he gets most things he wants.

* * *

><p>When I leave the apartment I start thinking about the party, we really are gonna have to make some money out of this. When my dad had his parties he charged $30 just to get in but that's too much for kids my age, he would make more by selling drugs and drinks but I cant do that either, that's for damn sure. The snow is deep and it's hard to walk through but I manage to get to the metro station and get back to Penumbra even though it's half an hour more because of delays. By the time I get to my room it's pitch black, and I walk into the room. I sit down on my bed and give Carlos a nuggie, kissing his forehead before I look at my mom. "I have everything worked out you don't have to worry anymore," I tell her and she nods understanding what I'm telling her. She doesn't look grateful though, she looks pissed off. I close my eyes and breath in shaking my head. "I'm gonna go for a bit Carlos I'll be back okay?" I tell him before I walk out of the room and up the stairs to Brittany's. I knock on the door and then walk in cause I don't have patience to be waiting around.<p>

"I was waiting for you," Brittany says when I walk in, she's wearing a long T-Shirt and tonight she has panties with zebra stripes on them.

"How'd you know I was coming over?"  
>"You love sleeping with me cause I'm all soft and I smell really nice and I'm warm. And you told me earlier." She says giggling, stadnign in front of this mirror and then she starts brushing her hair.<p>

"You're right, but, you're killing me here." I say, and if I'm being honest I haven't got my eyes off her ass yet.

She's laughing looking in the mirror and catching my eyes, she watches me with her eyebrow raised but continues brushing her hair. "Guess what I did today?"

"Do I want to hear this?" I ask, sitting down not realizing that she knows what I'm looking at.

"Yeah you do, I called that old lady from the church and she said I can go in for an interview to be a waitress." She says happily while I nod and finally look up into her eyes. She's staring at me with a eyebrow raised and she chuckles.

I blush silently and shake my head, Well you have it all out so I can see." I whine and she laughs at me, blowing me a kiss before she goes on her tiptoes and brushes her hair from the top down and I can see her shirt raising, "See, you're doing it on purpose. Anyways, do you even know how to waitress?" I ask.

"It can't be that hard, they'll train me and I can make lots of tips." Brittany says.

I nod, "That's true that's true," I start to feel a little dizzy, and not only that but my stomach starts to hurt. After a while Brittany turns to look at me and she furrows her brow looking like she's concentrating. "Are you high? I never knew you got high." She says.

"It's nothing, I'm not that high." I say but I get that taste in the back of my throat every time I feel like I'm going to throw up, I really just want to get it over with already cause I feel like shit.

"Liar," she says putting her hair in a high pony tail, I look at her and bite my lip. "You want to watch TV San?" She asks and before I can answer I feel a hard twist in my stomach and I know its gonna happen. I run to the bathroom and make it just in time before I throw up into the toilet, that's not the only place though, its going all over the toilet seat, all over the floor and on my hands. It's real fucking gross too. I just hunch over the toilet bowl and gag until nothing more comes out. Brittany's in the doorway freaking out like she hasn't seen anyone throw up before. "What's the matter? You drunk or something?" She asks and I nod before going to the sink to wash my face, no matter how hot I put it its still cold but it feels good on my skin. Then I rinse my mouth out a few times.

"Why were you drinking?"

I don't answer because there was no reason, maybe cause I just wanted to have some fun for once. I don't know why I drank so much though, in my opinion they made the wrong thing legal . I take some toilet paper off the roll and start cleaning up the excess vomit, and Brittany starts helping me which is mad nice cause I doubt I would ever do something like that for someone. When we're done cleaning I take my sweater off and wash the stains out in the small sink, then I hang it up on the shower rod.

I'm gonna get you some soda okay lay down," She says and I nod walking over to the bed laying down before she leaves the room. In no more then 5 minutes she's back up with a can of ginger-ale in her hand, "Here, drink this." she says and I take the can, opening it up and chugging it instantly my stomach feel somewhat better. Brittany sits next to me when she takes her shoes off and she starts rubbing my head and my back, her hands feel really good on my back with just my sports bra on. "You feel better, mami?" she whispers in my ear.

Damn, I haven't heard that in so long and its so fucking sexy. She's so close to me that I dont want to do anything but kiss her, so I do. I turn my head and next thing I know my lips are connected to hers, my tongue in her mouth and her arm is clenched tight around my back. I don't want the kiss to end cause I need this after today, I need this after Puck pointed out the obvious, I ain't going nowhere with Brianna. I need a girl like this who treat me right.

After a long ass time the kiss ends and Brittany's smiling at me, "You're a really good kisser, but your tongue tastes like throw up." She says then busts out laughing.

"Alright, just for that I'm using your toothbrush." I say and jump up, running to the bathroom. I get there before she does so I have time to close the door and lock it before she can get in. I can hear banging on the door and I laugh, grabbing her toothbrush and wetting it before I put it back where it was. I grab the toothpaste and use m finger to spread the toothpaste around, i gargle it and then spit it out rinsing my mouth.

"San that's disgusting!" I can hear her yelling and I'm just laughing. I leave the bathroom and walk out, watching her go in and see her toothbrush. "I cant believe you did that!" She says in shock.

"Sharing a toothbrush is the same as kissing." I say shrugging.

"That's a lie, kissing is nothing."

"Well if it's nothing come over here and kiss me some more," I say wiggling my eyebrows. "And call me mami again, that shit's hot."

Kissing Brittany is amazing, but I don't take things to the next level which I could do really fast. She's not the kind of girl I want to take advantage of, but she is the one I want to be with right about now. She's stroking my back and playing with my hair, our legs are tangled together and her nails are running over the nape of my neck and I shiver. The lights off and the TV's on but real quiet it's just used for the light right now.

"What's wrong mami?" Brittany asks and I look up.

"Sad? I ain't sad." I wanna tell her I'm mad.

"Your girlfriend or something else?" She asks knowing somethings up. Then I tell her everything, how me and Brianna are having problems and she wont let me protect her, how I'm so stressed if I don't make any money at this party, how I don't know if I want to be with Brianna because I might want a new girl. She's oblivious as to who though, and she nods. "Things can change around, you never know." She says and I nod.

Me and Brittany talk for a while, it's easy talking to her too, I don't have to pretend I'm okay I can just let everything out. With Brianna I can't ever do that because she wont understand, she doesn't know my clothes are in garbage bags, she doesn't know how its like. At least with Brittany she's in here with me, we're the same and that's something me and Brianna can never be.

I change my mind quickly, I don't want to be with Brianna, I want to be with Brittany, I want to get her out of this situation, I wan't me and her to get out together. I want my family to be okay and I want her to be okay, I want to be okay together.

I move up slowly and run my hand up to her cheek, I move closer and kiss her lips, hard. She's whimpering and I'm sucking on her lips, my hands moving to her hips and pulling her onto my lap. She looks down and bites her lip, her eyes are dark and full of lust, and I'm sure I look the same. She bends and kisses my neck, my hands running up and down her back, under her shirt and then soon under her bra. It's all moving so quickly, and before you know it she's naked and I'm naked and her hands on my member, pumping up and down slowly while I buck into her hand. I'm on top of her, our breasts pressed together and my mouth panting against hers. "God I need you Britt." I say and she nods, directing my member towards her entrance, I cant help but whimper when the head of my dick reaches her hot wet opening. I push in slowly and her legs wrap around my hips, her nails scratching my lower back until our hips are fully connected. My dark hair is curtaining us away from the world, its just us in this moment. And right about now I'm going to make Brittany forget about all of her problems. I pull out slowly and slam back in, over and over again until me and Brittany build up a slow hard rhythm, we are moving as one, our bodies connected in such a way I haven't felt before. I speed up and reach down to rub on her clit, my member slipping so easily in and out of her. My rhythm is getting sloppy and I know I'm close and I know Brittany is too by her face. Her brow is furrowed right in the middle, her mouth wide open, her nails digging into my back, and her legs pulling me close so all I can do is cant into her. I'm breathing heavy, my stomach aches at how fast I'm moving and I wrap my arms under her torso and grab onto her shoulders, fucking into her as hard as I could. She's scratching down into my back and my last thrust both of us shatter together. I see white as her walls clench onto my member moving slowly and rigidly into Brittany, my toes curling as I let go inside of her.

We just lay there, breathing heavily, our bodies sweaty and warm against each others. I can feel her pulsing around my member, and I hold her tightly, not wanting to let her go. I pull out slowly when she taps me and smiles at me, kissing my deeply. "That was amazing..." Brittany says and I bite my lip, cuddling her from behind and holding her tight. I nod against her back, closing my eyes. Brittany doesn't deserve this, she doesn't deserve me, she deserves way more. I'm afraid of love. And if I'm being completely honest? That's where this is headed.

**(A/N: Wow sexual scenes, consequences of not having safe sex, more party planning and drama with brianna all coming up soon. Review please, whether its telling my about your holidays, critique or telling me if you like the story.) **


	6. AN

Hey guys updated chapter 2 go on and read it, working on chapter 3 as of now. Sorry it's taken so long, my beta and I have been very busy with school and I have exams coming up but hopefully we can get these couple chapters updated and then a new one up in 2 or 3 weeks.


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